• Kay Runyan

Malaise?????

Perhaps some of my followers have noticed that it's been awhile since I last posted. I decided to take a break from feeling so bad about losing family members to COVID. I decided that I was going to ramp up my level of activity. Get out there and do stuff and get to feeling like my old self. Well easier said than done. Before I sat down to write this blog I thought I should at least put a name on what has kinda immobilized me. The first thought I had was just "general Malaise" so I looked up the definition. Here is the Cambridge definition. A general feeling of being ill or having no energy, or an uncomfortable feelin that something is wrong, especially with society, and that you cannot change the situation. That fits, all except the being ill part. I don't feel ill. So I looked up "free floating anxiety." The definition is anxiety that comes and goes, just floats in and out coming and going with no apparent cause. It can cause excessive worry and certainly affect sleeping. Well, I have to admit I do worry about stuff, family, where I'm headed in the next phase of my life, etc. Of course these worries often come at night when I am trying to sleep. Then I end up sleep deprived, which can cause fatigue, which in turn makes it hard to do all your normal activities.


However I have persevered to some degree. I continued golfing, even joined a women's league, started my exercise class again (9:00 am Tuesdays, ugh), gone to the symphony, out to lunch with friends and just keeping up with my normal routine. I hasn't been easy. Having had the above feelings for some time has caused me to do some serious reflecting on my life. The serious reflecting is really about my age, and what I want for my future. I am going to stop this blog for now, but will force myself to write again in the next few days to let you all know where this "reflecting" is taking me. It will involve very serious decisions,